Its been a strange couple of weeks. I feel like my life over the last year has been tipped up and tumbled down like the cards at the end of Alice in Wonderland.
The house seems really odd without a feline presence for the first time in 35 years. No purring from under the table, no unexpected paws grabbing you from under a discarded piece of fabric or gingery hairs having to be removed from my sewing.
Poor Barney dog is having so much trouble walking now that he can no longer join us on long walks in the woods. I spend half my life lifting him up from his tumbles (not so good for the back) or finding him when he gets lost in the garden but he doesn't seem to be in any pain just like a very old confused boy.
I'm also finding it still very strange to produce work that doesn't have to be justified to an assessor - just my own internal one and the viewer. I suppose its a matter of confidence , relying on your inner voice to say what is good,what works and what doesn't rather than an external one. But it still feels strange and I suppose I still miss the comfortable support of someone else's opinion (however annoying sometimes) and occasional approbation .
I still feel there have been too many endings recently and I'm craving new beginnings.
Of course the Bridging Waters project is going very well so far. (so much so that I am thinking of orgainsing something bigger next time) The 2nd part 'Textiles on the Hill' is only a few weeks away.(see the Material Girls website). This event is a completely new departure - I am learning to delegate as it isn't just an exhibition but shops,demos, catering and coordinating lots of publicity for other textile things in Essex. Learning to let go is quite a learning curve and the rest of Material Girls are always spot on with what they undertake so its not really that difficult.
I've begun to work on my pieces for the Crypt but have hit a bit of a glitch as I have hurt my back which means I can't make more of the fabric I need on the embellisher this week (annoying!) and I can't start on the embroidery as I'm waiting to be sent the threads I need. So instead I have been making little bits for the Textiles on the Hill shop and have disappeared under a pile of little 'Felty Fishes' as I call them. Its extremely strange to be doing this sort of stitching again.
There is something else I will be letting go of in the very near future-something I have clung unto for far too long.
So perhaps instead of thinking of all things as endings perhaps I should change my mindset and think of them like Eastertime as a new beginning and be more like Alice prepared to just fall down the rabbit hole and see where it leads- who knows it could be to Wonderland.